When I go for a run, I run up Garth Avenue past an elementary school, past a wooded trail and over a creek. The bridge that goes over the creek has a concrete barrier on the road side and a tall chainlink fence on the other.
Everytime I run by this chainlink fence on the bridge I have a bizarre urge to loft my keys into the air and over the fence and into the creek below. I don't know why I want to do this. Everytime I go through a dialogue in my head.
"I should throw my keys into the creek - it would be a gesture of triumph. Symbolic of some type of freedom. I would swing them once around my finger and let go, watch the sun as it would glint off the metal."
"If you toss your keys you will have no way to get into the house."
"I wouldn't even watch them hit the water. I'd just catch a glimpse of their arc over my shoulder and keep running. Maybe I would hear them hit the water."
"Do you know how sheepish you are going to feel when you have to tell your roommate/landlady/friends/family/professors/random strangers how you lost your keys."
"I could do it, I could toss 'em. But after I tossed them, they'd be gone and I'd still need them."
At this point in the dialogue I'm usually across the bridge. I have the same dialogue as I come back the other direction.
9.08.2005
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4 comments:
Not as cathartic, but I have a similar dialogue when I go get gas at the QT near I-70. Every time I near the highway, I start thinking whether or not I should just get on there and keep driving till I hit the ocean. How many people would miss me? How long would it take anyone to notice I was gone? Would someone think to call my cell phone or my parents?
And what would I tell everyone when I'm knee deep in the Atlantic? I did it on a lark...just because I could.
I think this is a sign I'm ready to leave.
--Diego
i loved this post. and i love you sara. aren't our desires so funny sometimes? when i see big, husky guys on the street, i am always so tempted to walk over and give them a good hug. i've found my feet gravitating toward them, and have really had to restrain myself. i have no idea why.
your post about speakers circle made my heart do a million cartwheels in my chest and for a minute i thought i was going to cry like a baby sitting here at my work desk.
texas has been good to us. maybe we'll play some time when you visit your family.
-Erin Inman (formerly Guevara... wierd...)
Sara dear,
You have a way with words and bring unspeakable joy to my life every day. Your Speaker's Circle entry was both profound and deeply, deeply you.
Melissa
I know exactly what you mean.
Exactly.
See you in the 'has!
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